Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
