They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
