do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
