I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
