so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
