I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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