Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
