rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have peed in a lot of sinks
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
