Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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