y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
