mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Duck Duck Cougar?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
