he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
