Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
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