i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
