i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
