Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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