Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
