So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
