Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
