she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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