Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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