I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
