I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
