Plan B is the new Plan A
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
