I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
