At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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