Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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