I wish my penis had an off switch
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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