also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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