I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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