yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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