redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
