love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
