Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
