no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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