Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
babies were throwing up all over the place
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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