Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
