Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
