so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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