so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
