hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
