So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
