Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So vagazzling was a success
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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