Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
