If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
