no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
