I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
