My brain says no but my pants say off.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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