Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
