Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
